I’ve been thinking a lot and I realized that I have nothing to hold on anymore. I can’t be bitter and miserable because someone has left me during the darkest time of my life. I should make it as my inspiration to get up and be strong. To show that I can make it on my own. It’s sad because I would have done anything for that person but it’s okay. I understand that he is only doing the right thing. I can’t keep hoping that he’s gonna come back because it’s already obvious that he’s not. So now it’s time to move on and let go. I won’t deny it that it’s gonna be so hard, that it’s gonna break my heart every single day. It’s not gonna be an easy road but everything will be okay in the end. I know it won’t always be like this. Someday, someone will come into my life, someone that God created just for me. Someone that will love me forever and makes me happy. Until then, I just have to fix my situation, myself and my heart. I gotta be strong! So thank you for everything and for those short but happy months. You will always be in my heart. I wish for your safety and happiness. Thank you once again!
Yesterday was my Birthday and I was happy that all my family and friends remembered. But I was sad too because the one person that I wanted to spend my Birthday with doesn’t even know or remember. Why do I even expect him to know and talk to me or see me? How stupid I am to even think that because he is totally gone. I’m so sad :(. I wish I know exactly what he feels and why he is not talking to me anymore? I guess he doesn’t feel the same way and just want an excuse to not hurt me. But still it hurts me so much. I’d rather know the truth and be hurt so I can move on. I guess he wanted it all or nothing at all. But what he wants is what I want too. I just wish he would’ve understand that I needed time to do the things I needed to do. I wish he didn’t leave me, I wish he is right by my side while I am fighting my own battles and saving myself from misery. It hurts but what can I do? I can’t hold on to something that is not there. I wanted to fight but I can’t fight for something that is not fighting for me. I’m so disappointed :(. Anyway, Today is another struggling day. It seems like everyday is getting harder and harder and even though I tried. I can’t seem to forget and move on. Still somehow he becomes a part of me. I guess I fell under his love spell :(. Why did I even open my heart again? Why did I try when in the end I am left alone? Still after everything I still miss him, every single day I miss you!
Love always, Neren