In time, the hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let it go. At least I thought it was. But in everything I do and see I only found myself in despair and when the pain is too strong, I’d write just to let my feelings out. Everyday I miss you so much But I never try to see how you are for fear of what I might find. I just want to remember us. The laughers and fun we had. The happiness you made me feel.I didn’t ever want to lose that. I know by now you’d probably gone on with your life and loving someone else. It’s sad how we ended up so fast. Maybe it’s for the best, maybe I am not really for you. No matter how much I want to stay and fight for us, I can’t do anything because you never really loved me or maybe you did but it’s just not strong. I realized that no matter how much you truly love someone, love is not enough. I can’t do nothing when someone or something ends out of my control, the timing is just not ours.I guess we are destined for something or someone greater. Like the song says “We had the right love at the wrong time.” I tried to be positive and hold on to whatever Gods plan. But still I can’t help myself but spent months being unhappy Because I already set my heart on you. I don’t know why but I just don’t listen to my head just going by my heart which was too broken to do me right. Plus with a side of low self esteem I put myself through extra stress and turmoil I just don’t need.I will never ever at least for now let anyone in my heart. I am done. It’s time to heal and rebuild myself again. I have no luck with Love.
“Sometimes it’s hard to put our feelings into words.”
I started drawing again last night – the first time after over 10 years. Not that good but I’m learning. I never really even think of going back to drawing again but when I tried to write my feelings, I cant seem to find the words. So I guess drawing it is another option of letting your emotions out.It’s so hard when you’re at a loss for words. Aaahhh life gets tougher and tougher everyday and my heart is not healing at all. Not even a bit! I keep praying and praying but I still feel the same. It’s so agonizing and frustrating! I can’t believe how hard it is to move on! I know it takes time but not even a little progress? Ahhhh I hate this!!! ._.
Almighty Father, pleaseeee when life feels more brutal than beautiful remind me of this promise… ”He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Rev. 21:4 – Tragedy should not be the thing that makes me question your existence, God. Instead make it the thing that reminds me of just how much I need You everyday… -In Jesus’ name, Amen!